?It?s reem,? he said, bestowing one of his two favoured abbreviations. The other, ?jel?, is veering dangerously close to mainstream usage in the real world. Further enquiries went less well.
?What do you mean, 'horse power'?? Joey asked.
?They?ve got little horses inside,? Kirk replied.
?Really??
?No.?
The real drama continues to revolve around who is sleeping with who, and how good everyone looks. Mark and Lauren?s aborted wedding ? the centrepiece of last season?s finale ? was still causing them both grief. Mark, previously the womaniser-in-chief, revealed an unexpected softer side. ?I?ve got to stop sitting in bed alone, watching The Notebook and driving along in my car listening to Lady in Red,? he said teary-eyed to best friend Arg. Sound advice for anyone, I think we can agree.
For regular viewers, the real excitement was two new characters, Dino and Georgio, Greek-Italian male model twins. The pair appeared in a gruesome montage, wearing y-fronts that left literally nothing to the imagination. The camera flipped quickly between them as they spoke, creating the sense of a gay, plastic, surprisingly short, Action Man version of Gollum from Lord of the Rings. They seem totally preposterous, but then again so did all of the other characters, once.
Made in Chelsea, E4?s rival series about the lives of moneyed morons in Kensington, attracts more press these days, but Towie remains the superior series. There is a slight edge to MiC, in that we can?t help but fear that some of these vapid Kensington loons might still somehow end up in the Cabinet. No such worries in Essex. Amy Childs has left to pursue a career in being famous, but that's about as far as any ambition stretches. Towie?s bizarre parallel universe continues to be just that: surreal, deeply banal and frequently very entertaining.
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